Understanding Narcissistic Abuse
Healing and growth post-narcissistic abuse can be long and hard, since a relationship or interaction with a narcissistic personality is very toxic.
It is characterized by physical, emotional and mental abuse, lack of empathy and erosion of self worth.
Victims of post-narcissistic abuse will find themselves trapped in a cycle of self loath, self doubt and idealization of their aggressor.
The abuse can have some lasting and very profound effects on the victims, throwing them off balance and making them unable to effectively function on their own.
In this post we seek to provide an effective guide to healing and rebuilding yourself after a turbulent relationship with a narcissistic personality.
Acknowledge the abuse and flee
Have you dealt with someone that made you feel you were stuck in a web of control and idealization?
Maybe it’s time to admit your relationship could be toxic.
Once you have come to this realization it is time to self preserve. This will require a lot of self-realization and emotional strength.
Avoid overthinking, just pick yourself and everything you have including children if any and move to an environment that gives you peace.
Acknowledging and fleeing from an abuser is not easy. It will require you to detach yourself from their control and stop being dependent on them, but it is an amazing first step at healing.
1. Rebuild Your Support System
At this point you will feel confused and lost.
You are not sure where to start and even so, you don’t not feel like you have it in you, to move forward.
You will need people to have your back and give you the daily dose of encouragement. Be it family or friends, rebuild relationships with people you know have your best interest at heart.
You will need to talk about your situation without feeling judged.
2. Rebuilding Self-Esteem
Remember that you are a survivor of abuse and power is within you. You are not inadequate, you were just programmed to think you are.
Remember and relieve the days you had full control of your life.
Now, you are spending most of the time with yourself, be kind, through positive self talk. Take walks and remind yourself how blessed you are and manifest positivity constantly.
Block out any negative talk and energy and fully detach from your aggressor and any triggers. Refuse to be defined by the pain of abuse, reclaim your power and emerge stronger.
3. Be intentional on Self-Care
As part of your healing journey, you will be amazed at how much of a difference looking good can make you feel.
It is time to be your own priority physically, emotionally and mentally. Create time to do the things that rejuvenate you, get your hair and nails done. Indulge in a hobby, eat healthy and go to the gym if you can .
View self care as a necessity, it is no longer an option or a selfish act, love on yourself and remember to grow your faith as you seek a place of solace
4. Journaling for Healing
You are yet to process your feelings and emotions and this is it.
Journaling can be very therapeutic.
You need to document all your experiences, how you feel about it, express your emotions on the situation and self reflect. Write your pain away.
What do you desire to do? Set your own goals and constantly track them. Get affirmations and a mantra and repeat them daily. Walk in gratitude and visualize the future you want then work on it.
5. Forgiveness and Closure
This will be the most challenging and complex part of the journey.
But, first and foremost forgive yourself for allowing disrespect, but you should understand that, you were a victim of manipulation and to some point it was beyond you.
Educate yourself on narcissism and its dynamics to better understand the situation you were in https://rb.gy/za8l8.
Give yourself closure by letting go of the need to have your abuser acknowledge their wrongs and waiting for them to seek forgiveness.
Find peace in knowing that it may never happen and it does not define your healing process.
6. Be Independent
Becoming self-sufficient financially and emotionally after dealing with a narcissist is a profound step in rediscovering yourself.
It is the process of reclaiming power from your aggressor by taking control of your own life.
Post-narcissistic abuse financial independence will also give you the strength you need to stay away from your abuser. It’s a show of resilience and capability at owning your voice and happiness.
7. Rebuild Trust
This will be a delicate process, begin by reclaiming your own trust by knowing that your situation does not discredit your ability to access situations.
Acknowledge your strength to leave and define your expectations from all the relationships you are to have henceforth.
Post-narcissistic abuse let people earn your trust through consistent, respectful behavior.
8. Set Boundaries
So far you have been through a lot, you cannot live in fear but you also, cannot allow the hard situation to repeat itself.
In post-narcissistic relationships it will be important to set clear boundaries. Communicate your expectations and needs clearly, this does not make you selfish it means you are self aware.
Most importantly, be willing to walk away when your threshold is not met.
You have just regained control over your life, clear boundaries will be your lifeline in maintaining that, and do not relinquish control to anyone.
9. Seeking Professional Help
If you can afford it, therapy and counselling are important though healing. You will need help to get to the root cause of your predicament.
As a Post-Narcissistic Abuse survivor you need direction. To process your feelings, get coping strategies, process trauma and to learn how to prevent the situation from repeating itself.
Moreover, you need to stay grounded to avoid going back to your aggressor.
Tips for forming healthy relationships after dealing with a narcissist.
Post-narcissistic abuse past experiences may paralyze you and make you isolate yourself from relationships in fear of being hurt.
But, life is too short to be anything but happy. Here are a few pointers to watch out for as you build healthy relationships.
1. Work on your self-esteem beforehand, do not allow anybody to make you feel less. Nevertheless, with a strong sense of self you are bound to make better choices.
2. Have a clear understanding of what a healthy relationship looks like.
3. Do not assume red flags, stop expecting people to change. Date people for who they are not who they can be.
4. Be in interactions, where communication is respected and you are heard.
5. Trust your instincts, if it doesn’t feel right then it’s not right.
6. Take your time while forming connections.
7. Be vigilant with your boundaries, Stay where you are appreciated and respected, Have fun and enjoy life.
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