Imagine being 90 and looking at the man by your side or your whole life in general.
You can either be filled with joy and gratitude at a life well lived with the right person or you could be disappointed and regretful at a wasted lifetime with the wrong person.
This analogy shows how much society underestimates the role of a life partner to the value of life you may live.
And to be honest, Finding ‘The One’ or rather the ideal partner to spend the rest of your life with is a nerve-wracking quest, especially, in a world filled with so many uncertainties and endless possibilities.
Finding love
Falling in love is quite an exciting journey, you are getting to know each other, and each of you is on your best behavior.
To begin with, you are each other’s priority, You are giving and receiving gifts, affection, and quality time is present.
All these good acts may become blinding and it feels like you are the perfect match.
Over time you tend to notice some things that could be improved.
They are, however, quick to apologize and there are promises to learn how to do better. Now the relationship starts to feel natural and forever is in the books. Maybe commitment will change him you think.
What makes him the One
You’ve probably been asking your married friends how they knew ‘The One’ was ‘The One’.
Some will argue that you will know if he is the one when he ticks off all the boxes from ‘the list’ (yeah that list, with all your desires and expectations from the man of your dreams noted down).
While some will simply note ‘You will just know’.
Irrespective of your perspective it’s desirable to note that love is a very personalized journey.
Commitment is a very thin line between freedom and suffocation and a few good deeds do not make him a good life partner.
However, if you feel ready to take it to the next level, here are a few things to look out for
1. Are you attracted to each other?
Attraction begets respect as it cements the pride you have over your partner. It goes beyond their physical looks.
You probably feel very comfortable walking with him and introducing him to your friends and family.
Can you say the same for him? Are you a secret waiting to explode or are you a prized possession that he is willing to be associated with, does it feel like you are his ‘The One’?
If you feel unvalued or undesired trust your instinct, it would be wise to address the issue and get a worthwhile resolution before you fully commit.
2. Does he show some long-term commitment?
A man that is truly ready for commitment will probably see a future with you, way.. before he brings up the topic.
You will notice some subtle signs. It is in how he introduces you to his family or friends or how much freedom he has given you to be part of his space.
He will ask for your input over situations that affect his life, like a big move or a big job opportunity because he knows it may affect you too.
3. Does he make you feel secure?
Do you trust him to make decisions based on your best interest?
Do you trust him with your life?
Relationships are a space of solace. When things get tough you figure it out together when good times come you equally celebrate together like a team.
If you are worried about their choices and the future looks bleak, maybe it’s time to step back and address the issues before any major commitment is made.
4. Are you Compatible?
Do you have shared goals and values? Does your sense of direction and faith align?
You will need to discuss your dreams and ambitions and define how both of you can support each other.
Shared responsibilities are also always important to address.
In modern society, there is a need for each one to carry their weight. Therefore, define the gender roles and any expected responsibility to avoid any one of you feeling short-changed.
The last thing you need in a relationship is resentment, where one partner feels left behind, or too much interdependence where one person is a giver and the other a receiver..
5. Is he a genuinely good person?
A good person will show kindness, respect, and common human decency.
Life will not always be roses. At times you will need to take care of each other even when you feel indifferent and disappointed.
You will need someone who maintains respect even when tempers flare up.
In the face of an argument or drunkenness, are you worried about your partner’s next move? Does he change to an entirely different person when angry, does he gaslight or demine you?
If this is the case you probably need to step back and rethink the whole relationship.
6. Is he a good communicator?
Communication is the backbone of a relationship.
You need to feel understood, appreciated, and seen.
It could be a laid-back conversation about how your day was.
It is knowing that anything you say will not be used against you.
Relationships are a combination of the good and the bad.
If you are not in a position to amicably address issues that affect the two of you, then ISSUES are bound to arise and eventually, it may all lead to some irreconcilable differences.
7. Is he dependable?
Does he make you feel like you are a priority for him?
A life partner is your go-to person, when life storms hit, you need to be sure that this person will be standing right beside you.
If he is the kind of person that keeps failing you when plans have been made, or when trouble comes he’s nowhere to be found. If you feel unsure of his commitment, maybe he is just not ‘The One’.
8. Both of you should be teachable
Relationships are a combination of two people from different backgrounds, those pet peeves you just can’t stand will arise.
There will be things your partner will do that will irk you and vice versa.
You are not here to change each other, and compromise is required.
Address the deal breakers and each one of you should be willing to change the bad (because, truthfully there may be negative habits, worth changing).
Learn to respect and appreciate the differences because it’s what makes them unique.
9. Listen and Hear what your partner says
Most times we are so quick to listen and contribute that we don’t hear what is being said.
In subtle comments, a person will reveal their true nature. It will be small comments like ‘women should not have a voice’ or just expecting you to pay all the bills. Do not assume the little constant comments.
Steve Harvey, the author of Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man https://rb.gy/vd4uj, also, points out something very profound.
Do not assume, ask, did you agree to be in a relationship or did you assume it?
Know what you want and never be fearful of letting it be known.
10. What you see, is what you get
Do not expect the change you desire to come after commitment, because rightly so, what you see may just be the final product.
So commit to a person as they are and do not expect to change anyone later in life. Maybe if they change they are no longer your perfect fit.
11. Are you in a position to love and respect him regardless
Now we could talk all day about your partner but hey, you are human too. And to positively contribute to a relationship you will need to check yourself first.
Are you mentally ready for a commitment?
Do you see yourself being a present partner through the different phases of life?
Be ready to be the kind of partner you’d want to have.
Conclusion
When it comes to love and commitment, always listen to your gut feeling and instincts.
This is an extraordinary journey that could transform your very existence.
So be open to giving and receiving love. Never let a small period of loneliness push you to a lifetime of regret.
Discover yourself and connect with the right person.
And hey.., when you eventually find ‘The One’, fearlessly buckle up and enjoy.. the ride.
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