Congratulations on your recent nuptials! Now, as newlyweds you stand at the starting line of a lifelong journey, you are to embark on together.
Titles have changed and a lot more is about to change, you are probably feeling excited and uncertain at the same time.
All along you have been receiving advice on what to do and what probably stood out the most is that ‘marriage is not easy’.
However, it would be refreshing to note that, there are couples that have done it before you and have found lasting happiness.
Truthfully though, the first few months are the most crucial, you have just moved in together, and your habits and personalities are colliding.
It feels very different from dating because now there is a deeper sense of responsibility.
Then again, how do you connect your expectations and realities to avoid disappointments and ensure a lifetime of happiness?
Recently, during a marriage conference, we were lucky enough to interact with couples who have enjoyed silver anniversaries. We sought advice and insights on how to weather the storms but also make the marriage adventure a joyous one.
Here are some 10 insights from silver couples on navigating marriage as newlyweds.
1. Communicate Effectively
All the silver couples emphasized the critical role an open and honest communication system plays in a relationship. Heartfelt conversations build intimacy, we were told. Share your dreams, goals, and fears.`
Create a safe space where your spouse feels unjudged, and heard and whatever is said can never be used against them.
The worst you can do is assume issues. Sometimes there will be a tendency to create your own scenarios and explanations, when a spouse is late or if they do not fulfill a promise.
Learn to address situations that come up to avoid a build-up of misunderstandings and resentment.
2. Maintain Romance and Intimacy
You are a couple, never stop dating, dress up, and go out.
As years go by your intimacy language will change but what should never change should be your interaction with each other.
Intimacy is a mental state, it is how you talk to each other, the tone and words, that constant ‘i love you’ should never be left unsaid.
It is a touch, a thoughtful gift, remembering something that is important to your spouse and even celebrating anniversaries and birthdays.
Learn your partner and love them as they want to be loved then be the partner you’d want.
3. Financial Understanding
Money can be a conflicting issue. By now you should have aligned on your financial goals and expectations.
Plan together, budget together, invest and grow together.
You should also understand that over the years the income will change. One partner may earn more, whether 50/50 or 80/20 always maintain respect and be willing to help each other grow, it is a partnership after all.
Nonetheless, do not neglect your common goals, do not take debts without informing each other and whatever your partner does with their individual finances should never be a bone of contention unless it affects the relationship.
4. Adapt Goal setting and Shared responsibilities
Align your vision. Shared interests, responsibilities, and even goals that affect the two of you should be discussed. What are your short-term and long-term goals and how do you get there? One of the silver couples insinuated how they always made a vision board each year.
22 years later and they insist on the value and satisfaction they’ve had in setting these visions and ticking them off as achieved.
They encouraged you to ensure you make the plan clear for both of you and the role of each partner and just do your best to achieve.
5. Learn to Forgive
Resentment and holding of grudges will make the relationship a tiring one.
I loved one statement in particular ‘choose your battles wisely.’
Address what you can, assume what can be assumed but forgive all.
You will be living with this person for the rest of your lives, you might as well choose happiness and peace. If you keep relieving something they said or did it will erode your relationship and make it hard to lovingly relate with each other.
6. Compromise is Essential
You are two people from different backgrounds and sometimes even cultures.
Embrace each other’s individuality. Your perspectives, habits, and personalities will differ at times.
Learn to compromise, it doesn’t always have to be done your way. Always act in the best interest of the relationship, find a common ground, and be willing to change the changeable.
7. Be Grateful
Learn to be appreciative of your partner.
In relationships, perfection will not be a realistic measure, and effort should be appreciated. Do not take their kindness, how they show up for you every day, or even their presence for granted.
Over time you may get used to your spouse as they are, such that constant acts of kind seem like a norm. Other times you may dwell so much on their shortcomings that you overlook their efforts.
A simple thank you for every thoughtful act, reciprocating their acts of service, and celebrating each other’s achievements will be a perfect show of love and appreciation.
8. Build Trust
Trust means having unwavering faith in the integrity and honesty of your spouse.
A saying by the famous author Stephen Covey “Trust is the glue of life’ https://shorturl.at/nyTVZ puts it very brutally.
Trust holds all relationships as the foundation principle. Be that reliable partner. Let your spouse be assured that when they fall you will pick them up.
You do not want to be caught up in the web of rebuilding broken trust.
It is a long and delicate process that will cast a shadow on your relationship, especially this early as newlyweds. Therefore, put each other first.
9. Discuss Kids
Children are a big milestone in any marriage.
I believe you had this conversation beforehand but now dynamics have changed, discuss it again.
Do you want children and at what point in the marriage?
You do not want an unplanned pregnancy to create a rift. If it is in the books, prepare for it. And, when the children come, parenting is a journey that will need both of you to have a united front.
10. Therapy
Seek help when you need it. Marriage is surely not easy. There are times when feelings will flare up, words will be said and actions will disappoint.
There will be times when you need help addressing your issues or simply communicating. Seek advice from other happy couples or see a professional or faith-based counselor.
In conclusion, what was most evident from all the couples, was that companionship is paramount and marriage is beautiful when done right.
So respect, appreciate, and love the person you are with. Make it an enjoyable experience for them and without a doubt, it will be reciprocated.
Nevertheless, the journey is different for everyone so find what works for you and make those vows worth it.
Hay!