Dating a cheater can shake the very foundation of trust, commitment, security and self worth.
In most instances, romance comes with adventure, a thrill and a nudge to the human need for connections.
However, in the midst of the laughter, emotions and adventure it is very important to remain vigilant to potential red flags that may give a deeper view towards the possible quality of a relationship.
Infidelity is one such issues as it shakes the foundation of a relationship making you question the authenticity of the whole connection.
But how can you for sure know the intentions of a partner or unveil deception tactics.
In this post we will highlight 20 signs that define a cheater, we’ll give you tactics on how to catch a cheater and how to forgive them for your own well-being and move on.
Truthfully, recognizing these signs can save you from a lot of unwarranted problems.
Nonetheless, being hung up on a cheating partner or ex can damage the very core of your integrity, view on relationships and impact your future relationships.
1. Gaslighting
“You’re overthinking babe” or ” Stop being insecure” are all statements that will make you question reality.
Manipulation is a cheater’s greatest defence.
A cheater will deny and twist events to have you questioning what you know.
You will have evidence written out in bold but a cheater will still make you doubt your own thought, feelings and even that which you’ve seen. Be wary
2. Frequent Lying
This is the thing, i could care less about an issue but once i sence, a lie know i want to know why your lieing.
The subtle lies from a partner are painful and in most times uncalled for, and when they are consistent, its time to come to terms with the possible reality, he could be a cheat.
Because, a cheater will get used to lying to cover up their tracks such that they unconsciously lie over small issues they need not to.
3. Unaccounted Absences
Does it seem like you cannot account for your partner’s whereabouts or they dismiss questions about their movements.
Could be alot of late night work or excessive out of town trips.
Unexplained absences should be a source of concern, however, it should also be a point of communication as it could be caused by other issues such as personal differences or work limitations.
Nonetheless, be wary of uncommunicated and shifty explanations on absences.
4. Commitment Avoidance
Is your partner unwilling to fully commit to the relationship with the vague excuse of not believing in “tags/ titles”.
Have you noticed their avoidance in including you in their future plans?
I hate to break it down to you, but its either they don’t see you as part of their future or you are just one among many.
5. Emotional Distance
There seems to be a heavy cloud of unspoken distance between the two of you.
This is beyond the “am tired today” vibe. If your partner is uninterested in your thoughts, feelings or views, you could be dealing with a cheater.
It is a clear sign they are unconsciously uninterested in you as a person and in all sincerity for how long could you stay in that relationship without being resentful.
6. Secretive Communication
Secrecy is definitely the most clear indication of a cheater.
It’s certainly so unsettling when you can’t even borrow your partner’s phone or post a cute social media post without getting all kinds of weird attention.
A partner who hides their messages, has you blocked from following them on social media.
Or to a greater extent, has passwords through different apps, is clearly making it known, you are not the only one.
7. Lack of Intimacy
“If they are not getting it from you, then they are definitely getting it from somewhere” and this is a literal statement.
In love and relationships there’s definitely the desire to be intimate, not unless you are in an agreement to be celibate.
If not and your partner is evasive of any romantic advancement, you my friend are not his only cookie jar.
8. Unexplained Expenses
Have you checked card activities and incoming bills?
If not, i’ll let you know that it’s your right and you should try it , it could just save you alot of trouble.
Better yet, if you are reading this you’ve probably come across some fishy receipts and payment alerts, give it time and collect enough expenses before addressing it.
This way you can track records and have implicating evidence before confroting a cheater.
9. Excessive Flirting
There’s a very thick line between being nice and flirting and any person in a relationship should be aware of that.
There’s always a great reasuarance when a partner gives special attention that is only exclusively to their partner, could be in words and actions.
When the actions or words towards others seem overly too inviting for personal interpretation then there’s reason for concern.
A cheater will always leave emotional doors open with other people through overly flirtatious behaviour as they are not fully invested in their current relationship.
10. Blame Shifting
You catch him in a lie and he blames you for making him lie.
You point out a flirtatious comment to another person and he blames you for being jealous or insecure.
A cheater will most definitely deflect blame to make sure you are less on to them and avoid conflict.
You should be in a position to catch on blame shifting before it negatively affects you emotionally and mentally.
11. Lack of Transparency
You feel excluded in your partner’s social circles and plans.
Picture this: your man is making changes, changing careers, buying land, making business moves or going on trips without your input.
He’s either making it clear that there’s no room for you in his life or he’s just a cheater who’s being evasive to avoid being caught in action.
12. Prior Cases of Infidelity
Previous cases of infidelity should’ve been your first redflag.
A man without self-control is like a city without walls: Proverbs 25:28.
“Once a cheater , always a cheater”, whether with you or with different partners, a second slip is one time too many and not worth the effort.
One thing is that, constantly forgiving a cheating partner is enabling them to constantly disrespect you without consequences and it’s unfair to you as a person.
13. Self Victimisation
A cheater will always have selfish tendencies.These include acting wronged when they are the once wronging you.
It sometimes comes in form of blaming external factors for their actions and never actually owning up to any kind of wrong doing.
This behaviour is meant to rationalize the cheating and minimize the feelings of shame and guilt. Do not fall for it.
14. Excess Flattery
Cheaters have honey trapped tongues very luring, probably the reason you fell for him to begin with.
Truthfully, we all like a nice man and we do not mind alittle flattery here and there, but too much flattery is definitely an arrow of deceit that you should be weary of.
If your man is the kind that rains non-stop praises on other women, you could be dating a cheater.
15. Inconsistent Behaviour
For me inconsistency stands for mixed signals and it can be quite confusing.
A consistent partner brings security and stability into a relationship.
If your partner isn’t providing that stability, it can be stressful, draining and lead to unmet expectations.
Howeve,r though this could be a sign of a cheater there could be other underlying factors that should be addressed first.
16. Lifestyle Secrecy
Picture this, all you know about your partner’s life comes from what they’ve told you rather than what they’ve shown you.
You probably haven’t visited his home, not met his family or friends.
Do you even get invited to social events that he partakes in?
Do you know the nitty grits about his job?
When stating a serious relationship these are all issues that should be addressed earlier on.
If not, the secrecy should be a high flying red flag and a definite sign of a cheater.
17. Conflicting Stories
It’s always annoying when you catch disparities in stories shared as it always leaves the hindsight question of what are you hiding or covering up.
It’s even more heartbreaking when your partner is constantly bringing up conflicting stories, it creates mistrust, confusion and tension when left unaddressed.
The constant confusion should be a red flag and clear source of concern.
18. Sudden Schedule/ Behaviour Changes
You have a date plan or an event to attend together and all over sudden he’s has a work trip or the easy one ” he forgot”.
We can definitely forgive a one time schedule change, but when it becomes consistant, that’s fishy, stay on top of it.
A person that loves and respects you will respect your time and even more so, value quality time together.
19. Love Bombing
Intense and smothering affection can be blinding at first but should be handled with a pinch of salt as its one indicator of a cheater.
Overwhelming display of affection is a manipulative tactic used by narcissists to get a love interest into a web of love.
It will include quick relationship progression and idealisation however, the relationship will feel suffocating and uneasiness so be forewarned.
20. Negative Gut Feeling
Never dismiss your inner intuition, it will be the early sign of trouble.
If it feels wrong then it is definitely wrong.
Gut feelings are important in a relationship as they act as an intuitive guide that helps navigate situations with clarity and authenticity.
However, for a more logical decision it’s better to balance the gut feeling with rationale and critical thinking.
Nonetheless, I believe the gut feeling is definitely God’s gift to men as a guide.
How Then do You Catch a Cheater
If you’ve read this far, then its a clear indication you’ve experienced some of the above signs.
Now its one thing to suspect fowl play, but it’s another to have enough compromising evidence to have closure and to leave the relationship.
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Monitor communications, social media, messages and phone calls, just keep an eye on any suspicious interactions.
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If you feel quite sure do get a private investigator, it would be faster, safer and easier.
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Do the ‘coach guy move” just show up, surprise him with random visits, there’s alot you could learn alot from unpreparedness.
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Use a tracker to locate their whereabouts, it could probably put you at ease
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Test their Loyalty
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Better yet: Save Yourself The Trouble And Just Let Them Go
Moving on after dating a cheater can be hard, but forgiveness and healing is important to rid yourself from the shackles of pain and self-blame. Try this:
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Acknowledge how you feel about the situation, you are probably hurt, angry , tired, your trust has been broken, you feel weak, you want to cry. Allow yourself to feel that, infidelity is a sexual and emotional war. Let the pain out.
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Understand the impact: how hard have you been hit. Acknowledging will help you access the damage done to you by the infidelity. Did it break your esteem, your trust and security in relationship or was it just a strach on your ego.
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Seek Support: if this comes in terms of therapy, friendship or good conversations seek help. Infidelity can leave you broken, with a lot of questions or just with doubts about yourself, you need reassurance.
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Take Your Time: Forgiving someone who has hurt you can be hard, take as much time as you can to process your feelings and heal your inner self.
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Forgive yourself for falling into that trap, you have to understand that it is not a you problem, it is a them problem.
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Let go of the resentment: Unforgiveness will weigh down the hurt party. View the cheater from their own point of view, a hurt person hurts others, let any negative feelings about them die down.
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Set boundaries: You have to have a clear vision on relationships going forwards. What are your deal breakers, what do you want. Learn to communicate about it clearly to yourself and future partners earlier on in a relationship.
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Work on Yourself: Be it self care, chasing goals, loving and understanding yourself and defining your worth.
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Recconnect: start dating again this time be equipped if you notice the slightest possibility of a red flag address it and be sure what you can take and what you can’t.
In conclusion, a cheater will always come with bagage in form of other people, disease, mental and emotional torture.
Do not let the thought of love bind you to a person who doesn’t value you.
If you figure out your partner is a cheater, simply let them go and figure their life traumas without imposing them on you.