Surviving infidelity is an uphill task, one that’s turbulent and unpredictable as in the journey of love, infidelity threatens the full essence of love and commitment
Take Sade and Andrew as a vivid example of the laborious journey of healing after betrayal.
She was a first year education student, a calm and collected Christian girl who knew what she wanted and was not going to compromise for anyone.
Andrew on the other hand was a biochemistry major, outspoken young man, well respected in most social circles.
He had come from a well-off background and despite his extroverted nature he knew he wanted a simple life with a good girl that he loved.
So when he met Sade she represented that future and he did not cower at getting her and every cost.
Their relationship had been one of those “goals” kind of relationship, the kind everyone dreams of. That is until Andrew’s 3-month affair with his colleague came to light.
This broke Sade and dented the rock solid trust that had existed in this 6-year relationship.
When Andrew acknowledged and brokenly asked for forgiveness and a second chance. Deep down Sade knew her husband was a good man.
She saw how much guilt was eating him up and she felt that he loved her.
She also knew she was unwilling to let go of this man she loved. She had invested too much into this relationship, but could she get over the infidelity?
Would their relationship survive a dent so deep?
In this post we seek to provide a guide at surviving infidelity, so take a seat and allow us to help you through 20 ways to overcome betrayal and reconnect.
Let’s Define infidelity in a long-term in a relationship
Long term relationships are built on trust and commitment, infidelity is the breach of that trust, its the unkept promises.
In other terms you and your partner are main characters but one of you invites an unauthorized character or a plot twist.
Infidelity can manifest in different forms to include:
Physical infidelity: This involves having sexual activities outside of a committed relationship more like Andrew’s affair.
Financial infidelity: Finances are a big aspect in a relationship, hiding financial information or making financial commitments without consulting a partner can violate shared trust.
Emotional infidelity: There is always a certain level of emotional intimacy that is reserved for your partner, when these deep thoughts and feelings are shared with someone else outside of the relationship , that’s infidelity.
Online infidelity: In this digital era, social media creates an escape and sometimes endless scrolling can turn into flirting.
Any form of online relationships or connections or explicit conversations could count as infidelity.
Neglect infidelity: When one partner gets to a point that they fail to meet the physical and emotional needs of their partner, a sense of betrayal could be felt.
In whichever form healing and rebuilding from broken trust can be tasking and dependent on the dynamics of your relationships, but, it is worth it.
What leads to infidelity in a long term relationship
As we embark on the journey of surviving infidelity we have to define what paves way for breach of trust.
In most instances we can choose to accost blame at the offending partner, shift blame to the other partner because truthfully neither is without blame.
However, when it gets down to healing and surviving infidelity as a couple, the first step is to figure out what factors may have contributed to the infidelity.
These may include: communication breakdown may be poor communication, emotional distance, lack of intimacy, routine monotony, external stressors, unresolved issues or personal insecurities.
Nonetheless, it’s important to note that relationships are unique and as you embark on this healing journey, do consider these 20 insights as a guide at rediscovering trust and building a deeper connection.
How to Overcome Betrayal and Reconnect
1. Facing the Pain
First and foremost I am sorry if you are or have gone through the difficult face of healing from infidelity, but it’s about time you allow yourself to feel the emotions.
It’s normal for you to feel angry, betrayed and confused.
Experience the emotions, don’t let them consume you but cry if you have to, vent if you need to but please to come to terms with the pain
2. Transparent Communication
Now in this phase, every partner has a role to play in the healing process.
Create a safe space for both partners and honestly express your emotions, understand each other’s perspectives, actively listen and avoid defensiveness.
It’s time to get the required closure.
3. Rebuilding Trust
Now, rebuilding broken trust takes time and it will require a lot of commitment, effort and sincerity.
If you are the aggressor take full responsibility and avoid shifting blame, apologize sincerely and address any underlying issues.
4. Therapeutic Support
Consider therapy.
A certified therapist will help you navigate the complexities of rebuilding trust, by helping you navigate communication and guide you through individual healing as you work on personal issues.
5. Forgiveness Journey
Forgiveness will definitely be a process, it’s not to cover up your pain as you are not expected to forget but its a conscious decision to move forward.
It may take time and effort but its the sure path to healing.
It means once the issues are addressed, the infidelity is not weaponized, do not keep bringing it up, but work at being better versions of yourselves.
6. Setting Healthy Boundaries
For the future, you need to set very clear boundaries.
Talk about what you need, to feel secure in that relationship.
Establish commitment guidelines and boundaries that will govern your relationship moving forward.
State your expectations and limits.
7. Healing Together
Healing together is a process that requires mutual effort.
Its about being committed to doing whatever it takes to rebuild your relationship.
Acknowledge your roles in the healing process and take shared responsibility to work towards the well being of the relationship.
8. Individual Growth
Personal growth is an important aspect of surviving infidelity.
The aggressor should be able to sell-reflect, take full responsibility and fully commit to change.
They should be able to fully digest the scope of their betrayal and what it means for their relationship going forward.
For the aggressed, they should work for full forgiveness, self care and not self blaming, they should be able to set boundaries and explore personal goals.
9. Rekindling Intimacy
Intimacy after surviving infidelity can be a delicate but a gradual process and may take time but as a couple there’s a need to first set realistic intimacy expectations.
Spend time together and work on reestablishing your emotional connection by sharing your thoughts, dreams and fears.
Slowly work on your physical connection at a process that is comfortable for both of you, above all prioritize self care.
10. Understand each other’s perspectives
Empathetically take time to understand each other’s perspective on infidelity.
Create a space of vulnerabilities and address the infidelity’s impact on your relationship.
11. Create Shared Goals
It would be understandable if Sade would be too hurt to want anything to do with Andrew, but to some extent space creates a void.
However, when rebuilding, a couple should dwell on the shared values, goals and interests.
Go back to the beginning and find the things that made you one. Reinforce that sense of unity.
12. Consistent Effort
Consistent effort while surviving infidelity will require a lot of patience and a genuine sense of commitment.
Show up daily, even on days when the pain is too much and when it feels like it’s not worth it.
Appreciate your patterns’ effort to forge forward and be each other’s support system.
13. Renewing Commitment
Commitment renewal requires proof by words and actions.
Verbally communicate your stand on the relationship by constantly reassuring each other.
Create an action plan and by actions forge forward by showing up for each other daily.
14. Building Emotional Resilience
In this process you are going to experience a variety of emotions especially towards your partner, but if you are to rebuild you’ll need to cope with these emotions positively.
Adopt positive coping mechanisms, it could be journaling, mindfulness or even exercising.
Create a support system of genuine supporters, nonetheless, beware of outside whispers against your relationship that will do more harm than good.
15. Positive Reinforcement
Positive reinforcement is the epitome of emotional intelligence, it’s the ability to take up positive attitudes through the tedious process of surviving infidelity.
Create a healthier and more trusting relationship.
In her pain Sade got to a point she approached Andrew in banter and sarcasm to a point the environment became too negative for them to coexist and rebuild.
The journey to surviving infidelity requires that they both choose to be kind to each other, constantly expressing gratitude, celebrating their small wins, offering affection and conversing in a positive language.
16. Cultivating Empathy
Whether as the aggressor or the aggressed partner, put yourself in your partner’s shoes, then approach them with kindness.
Validate each other’s emotions through communication, active listening and actions of deep regret and being attentive to your partner’s needs.
17. Celebrating Milestones
Allow the moments of happiness and joy to cover the pain. Celebrations create a positive atmosphere.
Go as far as celebrating the anniversaries of these painful days by reflecting on your growth and healing.
18. Rediscovering Friendship
Rebuild your foundation.
What is it that pulled and bound you together, work on the basis of your relationship.
Fondly reminisce on the days you laughed together, had fun and enjoyed each other’s company, dwell on it and recreate it.
That positive aspect about your partner that pulled you to them, let that be the light that guides you.
19. Constructive Conflict Resolution
Disappointments and disagreements are a natural cycle in relationships, approach them with the desire to find solutions.
Let faith, love and respect be the foundation of practicing constructive conflict resolutions.
Take a break when in heated communication, remain calm, express yourself with “I” instead of “YOU” in an effort to avoid blame shifting and to acknowledge you are not helpless, you always have a role.
20. Embracing the future
By coming this far it is evident that you are committed to making the relationship work.
You have learnt to forgive and be each others grace.
And now after this healing crash course…go and hurt no more…
okay but really… let the dark shadows of the past be just that, the past.
Life is too short to live in despair.
Develop a vision for the relationship, stay committed and enjoy the journey as your nurture and work on the promising future.
In the end, commitment to a shared vision is the epitome of a healthy relationship, in the face of love and respect this shared vision is a guiding light through a lovely transformative journey.
Infidelity is undoubtedly a turning point into this dynamic.
The journey through betrayal, regret and reconnecting will be challenging.
However, surviving infidelity is based on your support for each other and the dedication to rebuild as partners.
As you implement these proven strategies may this journey be a walk of hope and a testament of how love and resilience, in the narrative of a beautiful relationship.
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