“Toxic parent” is a term highly shunned by society as children have been raised to believe that parents are never wrong which leaves an undefined line between disciplining and toxic parenting.
Though parenthood is an amazing journey, as we all learn in the process and hope we are doing our best, it’s natural to experience challenges along the way.
The thing is any missharp when raising a child and you are gambling with the outcome and future of your child.
This is evident from countless adults seeking healing and acceptance from being raised by a toxic parent.
In this post, we will indulge in the journey of parenting and family dynamics to provide 17 traits of a toxic parent.
We hope to help you recognize the cues of a toxic parent for your own self-reflection and growth as a parent.
1. Constant Criticism
If you constantly remind kids of their faults then you are definitely a toxic parent.
Constant Criticism is the fastest way to erode your child’s esteem.
Growing up I had an aunt who would always point out what we did not achieve or did wrong, now as a grown-up I can confirm that it’s been years since I saw or talked to her.
If you want to be old and alone *then way to go parents.
In the process of teaching parents should always appreciate the small achievements and endeavor to correct the failures with love.
2. Minimal emotional support
I’ve met adults who are emotionally unavailable or battling certain forms of insecurities that affect their relationships with people.
If you intend to raise an all-round healthy child, you need to significantly appreciate the role of emotional support.
Your ability to nourish your child’s emotional needs will affect how they relate with people in the future.
Will they be confident humans, able to receive and give love or will they continually seek the validation they lacked as kids which can lead them into the wrong circles?
3. Control issues
Are you the kind of parent who micromanages every aspect of your child’s life without taking into account whatever contribution they may have?
Too much control creates dependent children who are unable to take on the outside world by themselves.
It also makes kids doubt their own ability to make valid choices and decisions.
If you are a controlling parent it is time to take a step back and let kids learn from their mistakes guide them but at times let them make the choices.
4. Emotional Manipulation
Emotional manipulation is a clear sign of a narcissistic person.
If you are the kind of parent who uses emotional tactics such as guilt, shame, and blame-shifting to control your children. Then you are not just toxic but narcissistic and it is time to self-reflect and seek therapy
These tactics will create trust issues, inability to interact, and even difficulty in self-expression.
Children will grow up feeling that, who they are can be used against them, and in the worst-case scenario your kids may grow up to use the same tactics on other people.
5. Inconsistent Disciplining
I have found parenting to be easier when I can set boundaries for my kids and they know how far is too far and the consequences of doing what they shouldn’t.
Inconsistent discipline is a landmine of confusion, testing boundaries, and lack of accountability.
A toxic parent tends to act and react as they wish without much thought on the parties involved.
Children require structure; it is therefore more effective to define roles and expectations that way they know where authority lies.
Let them know what is expected of them and how to openly communicate when they feel their feelings are being infringed.
6. Overly high expectations
You’ve probably heard the statement, let kids be kids.
As parents in the desire to make our children better, we tend to set unrealistic expectations, this is common in academics and sports.
Know the difference between giving their best and over-expectation, as the latter will cause them stress and anxiety.
It may even create tension between the parent and child as the child will feel unappreciated.
7. Infringement of boundaries
Do you constantly invade your children’s privacy, this could be through going through their space and phones or oversharing their personal information.
If this is you as a parent, there is probably a lot your children will not tell you for fear of being judged.
It is natural to want to protect your kids and track their every move.
However, it will do more good if you refrain from being too nosy, guide them, and create a safe space for your kids to communicate any issues they may have.
8. Neglect
If you are indifferent to your kids’ physical and emotional needs then you are probably a toxic parent.
This is evident through a lack of warmth or any meaningful connections.
Neglect can lead to developmental challenges due to unmet needs and untapped potential.
It is undoubtedly, crucial to be a present parent physically and emotionally.
9. Favouritism
Showing favoritism among your children is a significant trait of toxic parenting.
The unfair distribution of attention and affection creates an unhealthy family dynamic and can heighten sibling rivalry.
The favored child will grow up with the weight of meeting expectations while the less favored one will have abandonment issues.
These are emotional scars that will emerge well into adulthood.
Any parent should be able to keep their emotional feelings in check and love their children equally regardless of any underlying factors.
10. Inability to admit when wrong
Are you the kind of parent that is never wrong?
Most of this generation’s parents grew up in a society that believed that parents are always right, a notion that has crippled many child-parent relationships.
We have to normalize the fact that parents are humans and could sometimes be wrong.
Be the parents that admit when wrong, this way your children will learn to acknowledge their own mistakes and they grow up being morally able to address wrongdoings.
11. Constat Comparison
As a child, there’s nothing I dreaded more than comparisons.
I had cousins around the same age and family members took it upon themselves to compare our lives to the core, academically, and socially up until we got our own families.
Comparison is a profound toxic trait, it creates competition and breeds resentment among children.
As a parent, understand your children’s differences and love them for who they are.
12. Isolatating Children
It’s understandable for parents to want to protect their children from the troubles of the world but there is a level of isolation that hinders the healthy growth of your child.
If you limit your child’s interaction with friends and family, that is a sign of toxic parenting.
Children who grow up in confinement will often develop social and emotional issues, as their ability to form healthy bonds is hindered.
13. Conditional Love
Do you make your child feel like your love is based on them meeting certain conditions?
Conditional love creates a web of expectations, where love is transactional and they have to earn everything including parental love.
You will end up raising kids who feel inadequate and constantly looking for validation from everyone.
Conditional love is corrosive, hence parents should create an environment that affirms kids, making them feel loved regardless.
14. Reliance on Punishment
Are you the kind of parent who is constantly punishing your kids for every misdeed?
Parenting is about guiding, you are to teach your kids on the paths they should take without judgment, a true testament of patience.
As a parent, it’s important to use punishment as a last-minute option when boundaries are crossed, until then warn and guide.
15. Refusal to listen
When your children are curious and opinionated it’s a sign of healthy growth.
It is therefore important to listen to them and respect their perspectives.
Your failure to listen and override their opinions is definitely a sign of toxic parenting.
Nonetheless, diminishing your child’s opinions limits their ability to self-express.
16. Ignoring Achievements
If you consistently downplay and ignore the accomplishments of your child, that’s an evident toxic trait.
As a human, there is joy when people celebrate your achievements no matter how small.
That is the same reaction your kids will have when you can celebrate their accomplishments and it motivates them to do better.
17. Negative Role Modelling
Children will mirror you, you are the closest and constant view of how life should be.
If you model unhealthy behaviors such as drug use, aggression, gossip, and disrespect, chances are your child will most likely pick up these traits from you.
Therefore any negative behaviour as a parent, you are being a toxic parent.
In conclusion, we can all agree that before having children, every parent should work on themselves and be prepared for the most sacred job any human would have.